For the past several years, I’ve woken up at 4:30 a.m., practiced yoga, meditated, journaled, read, walked the dogs, and then got ready for work, in an office, in downtown Fort Worth, until about 5:30 p.m., then headed to yoga, and got back home around 7:15 p.m., cooked, ate dinner, and passed out. This routine kept my days insane busy, probably too busy, but I loved the time I had in the mornings and evenings, and have always preferred to stay busy.
For the past 2 weeks, I have officially been unemployed from the corporate world and am slowly moving into self-employment. My husband and I have been working on a business for the past several months, and we are officially launching it in the weeks to come. We even received our LLC license last week, which was a wonderful thing to get in the mail – this is real.
I say slowly moving into self-employment, because this newfound freedom has been a shock to me. I’ve wanted it for so long, and now that I have it, I’ve done a lot of sleeping. A lot of shuffling from one room to the next. A lot of house cleaning, organizing, decluttering, journaling and daydreaming. I’ve been in a state of wonder. I can’t tell you the last time I got this much sleep, took this many naps, felt this removed from life. I’ve felt lazy, with a complete lack of routine. This is so not me.
And I think it’s OK. I’m still having nightmares, almost every night, and I think I’ll be having them for months to come, based on feedback I’ve gotten from many previous coworkers who’ve taken the same step I just took. And my body, my jaw, my teeth ache from years of stress. But to have this much space, to be able to work at 10 p.m. or 4 a.m., is wonderful. I love it. And I can feel a routine coming on – I can feel the change happening. So I’m not going to beat myself up, as I have been so known to do. My husband can see it coming on – my self-hate – and he keeps telling me to chill, to give myself a break, to be open to space and whatever my body needs. I love that he knows me so well.
He’s so much better at this than I am, at having space, and filling it appropriately. He’s been a professional drummer his entire adult life, and for the past 15+ years been a web developer, and has pretty much always worked from home, setting up his own schedule, taking the clients and the gigs that he wants. He’s been able to be picky, and I’ve always admired that. He’s turned down more work than most would, in order to only play gigs with musicians who inspire him and only design websites for those he respects. Most people wouldn’t do that. Most would take anything they can get. I love that about him. It’s never been about the money, it’s always been about the quality of work. That takes guts, and courage. The man could play drums for anyone, he’s the best I’ve ever heard, and he can build a better website than most. But he’s meticulous, he stands by what he believes, and is adamant about doing good work with good people. So therefore, he spends more time on the projects he believes in and turns down a majority of the work that comes his way. I admire that so much.
His routine, daily, is to drink coffee, read a little, and then go to the piano. Every morning, he’ll fiddle around with songs I’ve never heard before, slowly moving into Bach, and then, for me, finish with Ben Folds. It’s beautiful, and many mornings it brings me to tears. His music room is right by our kitchen, so I’ll purposely piddle around, make breakfast or clean up, in order to stay a few minutes longer, in order to hear and savor what he’s up to. The piano is a beautiful instrument, it was his mom’s for decades, she played it when he was in her womb, and she gifted it to him a few years ago. I can’t begin to explain how one item can mean so much to a person. And he’s getting so good at playing it.
Afterwards, he’ll build some websites, go for a bike ride on Fort Worth’s incredible trail system, build more websites, and then practice drums, late in the afternoon. His evenings are spent playing gigs around town, eating dinner with me, building more sites, or watching shows on ancient civilizations. It’s a beautiful routine, and I admire it greatly. He’s taught me that living a simple life is the best life. He prefers to be at home as opposed to traveling, to be with his music, in his routine, and I’m starting to see how beautiful that life is.
As for me, I know I’ll be back on a routine soon, and as I’ve stated, I’m not going to beat myself up for taking a bit of time to see who I am, how to adjust to this new life, how to accept the new space. I’m slowly checking things off my to-do list, like doctor’s appointments, long lunches with old friends, meetings with clients, things that were so hard to get done while working full-time outside of the home, and signing up for health insurance. For those who are afraid of health insurance through Obamacare (I was super nervous about not having a company provide us with health insurance), I’m completely pleased. We’re now paying $40 more a month for better insurance with lower premiums, than what we got through my previous company. So don’t knock it till ya try it. This system of ours could be a lot worse.
To kick off a new routine, I made a lot of juice this morning, and wanted to share some “recipes” with you, if you can even call these recipes. More like throw a bunch of veggies and a few fruits into a juicer and enjoy. Juicing makes the whole house smell great – it’s messy, yes, but I much prefer to juice on my own than buy it from a store. The dragon juice below is my favorite – any juice with beets in it is hands down my preferred drink, I think for the color just as much as the taste. But all of these below are delicious, each with their own flavors and blends. The routine will come, no need to rush that along, as will the work and enjoyment of this new life. For now, I will celebrate with some beautiful bright fuchsia dragon juice.