“Nature’s greatest accomplishment, the human brain, is never more efficient or invested than when its host is at risk.”
~ Gavin de Becker, The Gift of Fear
My husband was recently told about Gavin de Becker’s The Gift of Fear, a book that came out in 1998. He bought it for me, and I finished reading it last week. It couldn’t have come in a better time in my life. The message from me today, if you take nothing else from this blog, is read that book. And if you read it back in 1998, read it again, and then tell all your friends to read it. I read at least one book a week, and as much as I love most of these books, I rarely tell people, publicly at least, “you have to read that“.
Friends, you have to read this one.
Read it especially if you have children, or if you are responsible for hiring people, or if you’re a woman. And even if you’re not one of the above, read it.
As women, nearly all of us can answer “yes” to one of the following questions:
Have you ever been approached by a man and felt you were about to be in danger?
Have you ever been stalked after a breakup, or after an encounter with a stranger?
Have you ever been attacked or physically hurt in any way from a date, from a stranger, from someone you knew?
Have you ever not listened to your gut instinct?
These questions are like asking, “do you like chocolate?” There are a few women who would say “no“. But most all will say “yes.”
If you don’t like chocolate, then trust me, your sister or your mom or your daughter or your grandmother or your best friend does.
As women, women who are raising women, women who are supporting women, we owe it to ourselves to be aware, to know how to handle the situations that will happen in life. I say “situations that will happen” instead of “situations that could happen”, because, let’s be honest. This shit is gonna happen.
Or, more likely, it has happened. And we don’t want it to happen again.
What struck me most about this book is a completely obvious statement, but one that I needed to be reminded of: not everyone thinks the way you think.
We’re all working through decades upon decades of layer after layer of gunk. Whether that gunk came from our parents, or our peers, or our television, or our video games, it’s in us. Some of us can deal with it better than others. Some of us have had way, way worse upbringings. Some of us had no positive role models.
We don’t know what people are working from, and we can’t ever assume that people think the way we think.
There are several great reminders throughout the book that I want to pass on, some good tips about staying safe and paying attention to your instincts:
- When being approached, look at the person directly in the face.
- Don’t walk around or jog with your headphones in. Your sense of hearing is your strongest instinct.
- Listen and pay attention to your surroundings. AKA, that Facebook post can wait.
- Nice people won’t approach you; the people who want something from you, they will.
- Your judgement gets in the way of your intuition.
- When something causes you to take notice, pay attention.
- Listen to yourself.
- Worrying does not solve anything; in fact, it inhibits your intuition.
Most importantly, this book teaches you to use your instincts so you don’t worry, so you don’t fear. It empowers you, to be aware, to trust your instinct, to follow your intuition.
Your intuition, it also enhances your creativity, and vise versa. De Becker talks about it briefly, but much research has been done in support of this theory. As he states, “…creativity is linked to intuition, and intuition is the way out of the most serious challenges you might face.” Basically, if you can imagine it, it can happen. You can imagine negative responses, or positive responses – the choice is yours. The more creative you are, the more you’re going to push yourself in new directions, think of new ideas, come up with new solutions. Your creativity and emotional intelligence are at work here.
True fear gets your body ready for action. We’re not talking fear of public speaking here. We’re talking true fear – this is happening, now. Your body begins to work for you – your amygdala fires up, triggering your flight or fight hormones, kicking your body, your muscles, your blood flow into action. It’s truly fascinating, and if you want a great understanding of how our brain works, in an easy to read format, pick up Daniel Goleman’s Emotional Intelligence. As he states, “the amygdala can have us spring into action while the slightly slower – but more fully informed – neocortex unfolds its more refined plan for creation.”
I mention Emotional Intelligence in this little essay as it compliments the Gift of Fear book very well. I re-read it this week, and so much of the self-awareness abilities go along with trusting your instinct: having empathy, understanding emotion, relating to feelings as they happen (both in you and being able to recognize them in others), and most importantly, how to manage those feelings. Goleman states, “the key to sounder personal decision-making in short: being attuned to our feelings.”
There’s no better way to do that than to truly know yourself. To listen to your gut instinct, and to learn from past occurrences. Trust your intuition. It could save your life.
Intuition Tofu Bun
Ingredients
- 10.5 ounce rice vermicelli
- 2 c. napa cabbage
- 2 c. spinach
- 3 medium carrots
- 1 cucumber
- 1/2 c. roasted peanuts
- 2 shallots
- 6 radishes
- 14 ounce extra firm tofu
- 3 tbsp. sesame oil divided
- 2 tsp. chili oil
Toppings
- 1 handful fresh basil
- 1 handful fresh cilantro
- 1 jalapeno, seeded if desired
Peanut Sauce
- 1/2 c. peanut butter
- 1 lime
- 1/2 tsp. sesame oil
- 2 tsp. chili oil
- 1/4 c. hoisin sauce
Instructions
- Bring a large pot of water to boil. As it is heating, prepare the rest of the ingredients.
- Prep the tofu: remove from package, drain the water, wrap in a few towels, and place under very heavy books for about 20-30 minutes.
- Make the peanut sauce: in a medium bowl, whisk together the peanut butter, lime juice, sesame oil, hoisin sauce, chili oil and water. Set aside.
- Thinly slice the shallots. Heat a tablespoon of sesame oil over medium heat in a medium frying pan. Add the shallots, and cook, stirring often, for about 10 minutes or until they crisp. Set aside.
- Slice the cabbage, spinach, cucumber and radishes, and distribute them in your serving bowls.
- Shred the carrots, and place on top of the other veggies.
- Slice the tofu into squares, and place in a large bowl. Toss with the remaining sesame oil and chili oil. Heat a large frying pan over medium, and add the tofu. Cook for about 3-4 minutes, then turn over and cook a final 3 minutes.
- Cook your vermicelli according to package directions. Stay near, you don't want to overcook. Stir the pot some while they are cooking so the noodles loosen.
- When the noodles are done, drain the water and then add them to your veggie bowls. Top with the tofu, shallots, peanuts and whatever toppings you'd like. I prefer basil only, but many people prefer adding cilantro and jalapeños.
- Distribute the peanut sauce over the bowls, spreading it evenly over the vermicelli. Serve, and enjoy!