Since 2014, I’ve been on this mission to live my best life. I went through 3 different year+ long yoga teacher trainings. I’ve worked through purpose workshops and chakra workshops and spent countless hours in personal development and growth. I’ve helped many people along the way discover their paths and tune in and live their best lives. I’ve pushed myself to do the same, too.
A few weeks ago, I completed my 300-hour yoga teacher certification. It was a whirlwind of emotion, of sadness and joy, of closing doors and new beginnings. Many times last year I did not think I’d carry on. And yet I did, sometimes reluctantly, and now, I’m done.
It’s good to be done. And yet, I immediately began thinking: what now?
I’m a type 3 ennegram, can you tell?
Many different thoughts are running through my mind, many that include growing a community in Fort Worth, many that include coaching-type paths and mostly, writing-based, artistic-type paths.
I purposely worked late each night the week before the completion of my 300-hour so that on the morning after, I could get up and reflect, and not have to rush, and not have to feel like I’m disappointing my clients for not being available. So my normal 3 hours of reflection time was closer to 5 hours of time, and at the end, I felt more hopeless and more lost.
Funny, right?
One thing ends and if I don’t know how to fill it with something else, I’m lost.
My husband and I were talking about this the other morning: the feeling when something huge, life-changing happens:
- A bad car wreck in which no one is hurt
- An emotionally empowering movie or concert
- That aha moment after a really great yoga class or run or bike ride where you’re convinced this path is not the path you should be on
Those moments have the power to change us. And then, life gets in the way. Right? It always does for me. I go from AHA! to damn, I gotta pay the bills.
Those dang bills.
It’s empowering to know that I’m on the right path. I do know that. I know that for each of us, whether it’s the path we think we need to be on or not, I know that somehow and someway, it’s right.
And yet, I’m always striving for more. The acts of meditation and mindfulness never changed me fully: I always want more. The zen path, as much as I study it and implement it in my life, I simply am who I am. The zen teachings can help calm me down, but that inner drive will always be a part of me.
For years, I hated that. I was mad at myself for not being more zen, more still, more able to accept life and be grateful for each day.
Now I realize that this is just me: someone who loves zen and implements it daily and someone who also knows, there’s a strong chance I won’t turn into someone who sits for hours each day.
Years ago, my dad told Rich and I about Robert Sapolsky, the writer of Why Zebras Don’t Get Ulcers. Dr. Sapolsky and his work greatly impacted my dad’s life, and in turn, he greatly impacted mine and Rich’s as well. So much so, that in 2012, he came to speak in Dallas, and Rich and I of course went, and were able to meet him afterwards. He’s an incredible human, a true to gift to psychology and the study of the mind, and, he consistently says: yoga is not for me. Meditation is not for me.
I have often wanted to say: you need to come to one of my yoga classes.
But really, I understand where he’s coming from. Here’s this man who understands the importance of stillness and the importance of meditation, yet he knows it’s not for him. I’m sure he has other ways to get into the flow, as I fully know it’s not only obtained through sitting still.
I love that he’s so open and honest, and that he knows himself: no big deal. This is me, and this is not for me.
He’s not trying to fit himself into some perfect box. He already is a perfect box.
We all are.
So I can sit here and be bummed that I’m already seeking the next thing, or I can sit here and plan for the next thing. Both options work, yet one is way more fulfilling than the other.
Onward.
Love,
Jen.
Whoa! Almond milk. The easiest recipe ever? Why have I not tried this before?? My girlfriend visited us last weekend and I ran out of almond milk. So, last minute, I boiled water, poured it on almonds, waited 30 minutes, and blended with vanilla extract. 3 ingredients and very little work equals fresh, delicious almond milk. Details below.
Almond Milk Accomplishments
Ingredients
- 4 c. water
- 1 c. almonds
- 1 tsp. vanilla extract
Instructions
- Boil the water. Put the almonds in a high-powered blender, add the water. Let sit for about 30 minutes. Add the vanilla, and blend until smooth.
- Pour the almond milk through a nut milk bag or cheesecloth (I used cheesecloth - pour and then squeeze it out). Voila! Fresh almond milk. Add to your coffee or set in the fridge to chill; it'll last about 3 days.