My husband and I got married when I was 24, he was 29. I was a baaaaaaby and I swore I would never get married before 30, for real. And then he came into my life and everything changed. I am incredibly lucky. We have been through a lot over the years and have figured out some incredible lessons out along the way. I want to talk about one of those lessons today:
Finances.
Back when we got married, we combined everything. We’d both lived alone for awhile before being a couple, so all the dishes, sheets, towels, appliances: we combined them all. Including our finances.
That “worked” for about 13 years. And then, in 2018, we woke up. Well, he woke up and declared: we need separate debit accounts.
So you guys, I was not cool with this, because I charge everything. EVERYTHING.
I know for all you Dave Ramsey people out there, this is a huge no-no. I get it. We own a company, and cars, and a home, and all the stuff that goes in a home: we get finances. We both know putting things on credit is no good.
However, here is my rebuttal:
A little over 3 years ago, I read a blog by Chris Guillebeau, a travel hack, and simply an excellent guy to learn from about goal setting and priorities, who said he travels all over the world – he’s been EVERYWHERE – for free. WHAT?! Yep, he does. He has lots of ways that he does this. The main thing I took away from that post was: Get a Chase Saphire Card.
So I did. We got one for our personal account, instantly. I love it. And then, when we opened Craft & Communicate, we got one for our business account. Because, travel is my thing: it brings me so much happiness, more than almost anything else.
And, because of these cards, I have not paid for a vacation ever since. Not a dime.
You guys, the points are incredible, and I don’t know about you, but why not save the points and use them for something big, something romantic, something exciting that you can look forward to for months?
And if that vacation is free, can anyone say now’s not the time? No. Not really.
And now, he wants me to have a debit account that doesn’t hit our charge card, which means I will not be getting any POINTS??! What? Nope, not gonna happen.
Yet it did, and… it has been awesome.
So at 38, after a few months shy of 14 years of marriage, I learned this:
SEPARATE YOUR PERSONAL ACCOUNTS.
It’s probably easier to do this on day 1, but anytime you can, separate them.
The funny thing about having everything combined is this: I ALWAYS felt guilty about buying myself something. This guilt was never, ever put on by my husband – it was 100% me. And for real, I have had a job without stop since I was 15. I have earned good money for a lot of my adult life. And I still, to this day, feel bad about buying myself things.
And you know what? I no longer do. Because it comes out of MY account, not OUR account.
So for all of you who got this at a young age, congrats, seriously, I commend you. For all of you like me who heard it was a good idea but never did it:
GO DO IT.
That’s my #1 piece of advice.
Also, both of you should get the exact same amount each month – in my opinion, it doesn’t matter if you make double what your partner makes. It should be even. And for real you guys, you need to know what you’re making after taxes and after insurance and after your cost of living bills before you set that amount.
If you are uncomfortable with finding that number out, I was, too. Finances can feel scary. Dig into it anyway. It only takes a few hours, and then you’re set, as long as you keep your finances in check.
The best part? We can now surprise each other without the other one finding out. Win, win.
Love, Jen.
Baked Vegan Falafel + How to Survive Finances as a Married Couple
Ingredients
- 2 15.5 oz. cans garbanzo beans, rinsed and drained
- 1 c. white onion, diced
- 1/4 c. parsley, fresh and chopped
- 1 tsp. salt
- 4 cloves garlic, minced
- 1 tsp. cumin
- 1 tsp. coriander seed
- 3 tbsp. all-purpose flour
Instructions
- Heat your oven to 350 degrees.
- In a food processor, combine the: beans, onion, parsley, salt, and garlic. Then add in the cumin, coriander seed, flour, and pulse until combined.
- Form into balls using your fingers, and place onto baking sheet. Bake for 30 minutes, then turn over, and bake a final 10 minutes. Enjoy!