I sweat, a lot. Constantly, in fact. It’s embarrassing and it’s often why you’ll see me in only black tops. I rarely wear a color, because, I’ll sweat through it. Black is forgiving. And, I love color. It makes me sad to only wear black.
I went to Catholic school my whooooole life – from kindergarten through senior in high school. I didn’t like it, for all sorts of reasons, many of which I have discussed on this blog. But one of the things I hated the most was the button-down white shirts. And here’s why:
Underneath my armpits, my shirts were yellow. Because of the sweat. All through my life. I got made fun of because of it, and those spots, they never come out. Those damn button-down white shirts were brutal. I like white shirts, I think I look pretty in white shirts, and yet, I can’t wear them. Because they’ll be yellow after two wearings.
I hoped I would grow out of this, like it was a puberty thing, and as a young adult I would be magically cured. It never happened.
It’s worse when I am in situations where I am nervous, like public speaking for example, or passionate, like talking about something I am really interested in (or the other form of passionate, for that matter). But to be honest, it happens all the time, stressful and passionate situation or not. It’s happening right now, and every time I write this blog each week, I have to immediately change my shirt afterwards, because that’s the other not-fun part:
I hate being wet.
Hate it.
Did I mention I chose to live in Texas? Like, there’s a lot of non-hot places on this earth, and this is where I chose to live.
At one point, back when my husband and I lived in Nashville, I found some product that looked like feminine pads that were to stop the sweat. I bought them, and used them. Literally, it was like wearing pads – the most uncomfortable and bulky thing on earth – under my arms. Probably, the manufacturer was also the pad manufacturer, now that I think of it. They probably realized they could charge double for someone like me to give them a try.
They didn’t work, obviously. What happened is I would sweat through the sticky stuff, and then this little pad would run down my underarm or my side, falling out of my shirt. Like a pad, on the floor. That was fun. And memorable.
Oh and also, the sweat would show around the pad – another fun part. So the front and back of my shirt would be covered in sweat and my underarms would be magically and very weirdly, somewhat dry.
Anyway.
It’s a problem. And I have never found a deodorant or antiperspirant or lemon juice or baking soda concoction that works.
I have tried them all.
For awhile, I swore Soapwalla products didn’t make me sweat and I don’t know what happened, but that’s no longer the case. I still buy their products, but they’re no help.
There’s no fun end to this story. There’s no solution that I have found that makes it stop.
I looked into botox for awhile. That’s a thing, that if you’re a non-sweater, you probably had no idea about. I considered pumping botox into my armpits to make the sweat glands go away.
I’m certain that wouldn’t work, or be healthy, although people say it does and is just fine, and I’m also certain I will not be moving forward with pumping botox in my armpits, or any other part of my body, for that matter.
So that’s that. My sweaty, stinky self was sitting here trying to find words to go with my new recipe. These words seemed to fit.
Here’s to some hatch green chile burgers that’ll make your whole body sweat.
Love, Jen.
Sweating over Hatch Chile Veggie Burgers
Ingredients
- 3/4 c. arborio rice uncooked, or 2 c. cooked rice
- 3 tbsp. flax, ground
- 1 c. white onion, diced
- 4 cloves garlic, minced
- 1 c. red bell pepper, diced
- 1 c. zucchini, diced
- 1 c. carrots, diced
- 1 c. celery, diced
- 8 oz. baby bella mushrooms, diced
- 3 4 oz. cans hatch chile peppers, hot
- 1/2 tbsp. ancho chile powder
- 1 tsp. salt
- 1/2 tsp. black pepper
- 1 c. pepita seeds
- 1 c. cornmeal
Instructions
- Make the rice according to package directions and set aside.
- In a medium sized bowl, combine the flax with 9 tbsp. warm water, and whisk every few minutes for at least 15 minutes, until fluffy.
- In a large frying pan, heat the onion and garlic for about 5 minutes, stirring often, especially if you don't use oil on the pan. Add the peppers, zucchini, carrot and celery, and cook for 15 minutes. Then add the mushrooms, hatch chiles and spices, and cook a final 10 minutes.
- If there is still liquid in the pan, strain the veggies using a large strainer, and then place in a very large bowl. Add the rice, flax mixture, pepitas and cornmeal.
- Form the veggie mixture into patties and place on a large pan or dish covered in parchment paper. Place this in the fridge for at least 30 minutes to allow the patties to firm up. See notes below for more info.
- After the patties have firmed up a bit, heat the same large frying pan with a bit of olive oil and carefully place the patties on the pan. Cook for about 5 minutes over medium heat, then carefully flip and cook the next side for about 4 minutes.
- Serve with your favorite toppings! I enjoy vegan sour cream, guacamole, lettuce and tomato with these.