I woke up feeling very down earlier in the week. It happens this time of year to the best of us, even if our lives are going great. I love the holidays, and yet they make me sad, too. And as much as I’ve been goal planning and looking ahead, it’s good to look in the past and in the moment, and that can sometimes be very challenging.
Every morning, I wake up and go into my yoga/meditation room. That’s all this room is for. It’s my little escape, and it’s where I start, and often end, my day. To me, it is imperative to have these spaces.
What happens every morning is this:
- I sit on my mat, sometimes with a bolster and blanket under me, sometimes not.
- I close my eyes, and practice the art of stillness. Sometimes this lasts 2 minutes, sometimes 10. I used to time it, and I used to use meditation apps that time it, and it took the fun out, for me. It felt competitive, like I needed to match yesterday’s time. I fell out of meditation. And then I got back into it, without the timers, and I’ve been back in for months and months now, without a break. This time around, I crave these moments. No competition. Just stillness.
- I journal. About the things that came up in my meditation, about the dreams I had the night before, about the challenges in my day, and the good things going on, too.
- I start to move. Sometimes I do traditional yoga poses. Not too often though. Mostly, I swirl, and do random variations of cat/cow and spinal movements. It feels natural in my body. I used to strictly do yoga, the way we know it in America. And then, over the past year, I have truly fallen out of traditional yoga, and now I do what my body needs. Most of the time, that is slow, stirring movements. It feels great.
- I read. These days, I have been reading The Surrender Experiment (which is excellent, and it’s a part of our book club! – are you coming?? It starts in January, yahoo!) recommended by my incredible friend Michelle. And Yogananda’s translation of the Bhagavad Gita. And the new Rachel Hollis book recommended by my friend Shelley (owner of Monkey & Dog, where said book club is happening!). And re-reading the Yoga Sutras book by Nicholai Bachman. I can’t choose just one, ever.
Normally, this gets me going and centered and helps me get ready for my day. This process normally takes 2 hours, if not more (I often wake up at 4 a.m.).
Recently, I have been in a yoga funk, super bummed about not teaching regularly (not in studios, at least) and just overall down about the yoga environment. Thankfully, and also sadly, so many teachers are right there with me feeling these same things, and it has helped to voice my concerns and have a little community who feel the same.
This funk has been growing over a few months, and this week, I couldn’t handle it any more. I broke down. The needle in the haystack was an unsuccessful attempt to teach a public yoga class. It was unsuccessful in that no one showed up. Long story short, I put in a lot of effort, and no one came, and it made me very sad.
It’s been years since I had no one show to one of my classes. This often happens to new teachers, especially in smaller studios. It has not happened to me in forever. It made me feel tiny, and like I don’t fit in, and like I shouldn’t be doing this. And even though I know those feelings are silly, and unjust, I couldn’t block them. I cried. I drove home, feeling sorry for myself, and wanted to open a bottle of wine and pout. Thankfully, my husband wouldn’t let me.
I’ll say, these feelings of “I don’t fit in” – they have hit me a ton this past year. I don’t know where I fit in. I hate being in this space. So I have tried to create my own spaces, and sometimes that works, sometimes it doesn’t. It’s left me feeling lost quite often. When no one showed to the class, I felt so, so defeated.
So early the next morning, I sat on my mat, and the tears started coming, and I started to journal. And then I remembered what I was planning to teach that night. I remembered the restorative poses and how effective they are when feeling down, and so that is what I decided to do. I wrote a mini restorative holiday yoga sequence on this blog last year, and that is what I practiced.
And, instantly – I mean, instantly, I felt better.
It’s like magic. I tell my students this, too. When feeling sad or lonely, do the restorative fish pose as described in the link above (version 1).
What this pose does is open the heart space. It is the opposite of the way we hold ourselves in life, and it allows space. On a hippy level, I know deep in my heart that it helps heal my heart, it helps aid against depression and feelings of loneliness. It literally opens the heart space.
Try it.
So that’s where I am today. I know this is all no big deal. Around the holidays, and seeing all the joy and in times where I’m just sad, it’s hard to have something else that I perceive as sad happen. If I was feeling totally happy, I might have processed it differently. I can’t always explain why feelings hit us the way they do.
So I am saying all these words because you might be in a similar boat. Your boat might be bigger, and have a few holes. I know that place, too. That’s a shitty, shitty place to be. These poses might not always help in that situation. But they do help when situations are manageable, that I know for sure.
If you give them a try, please let me know how they made you feel.
OK, so now you have a full spread for your Holiday meal planning:
Roasted Garlic Mashed Potatoes
Tomorrow comes my new favorite cocktail recipe.
Love, Jen.
Did you make the quiche yesterday? Then you have one crust to move forward with this apple pie. If so, ignore the first part of this recipe. If not, use the 2nd dough ball in this recipe for the quiche!
Also, this apple pie is delicious when served with vegan vanilla ice cream.
Vegan Apple Pie + Holiday Slump
Ingredients
For the crust
- 3 c. all-purpose flour
- 1 tsp. salt
- 3/4 c. vegan butter, diced
- 9 tbsp. ice cold water
For the filling
- 6 medium apples, peeled, sliced and cored
- 1 tbsp. lemon juice
- 1/2 c. vegan butter, melted
- 4 tbsp. all-purpose flour
- 1/2 c. natural cane sugar
- 1/4 c. brown sugar
- 1/4 tsp. cinnamon
Instructions
For the crust
- In a food processor, combine the flour, salt and butter. Then pour in the water, 1 tbsp. at a time, until the dough forms.
- In a food processor, combine the flour, salt and butter. Then pour in the water, 1 tbsp. at a time, until the dough forms.
For the filling
- Place the sliced apples in a very large bowl. Toss with lemon juice, then flour, butter, sugars and cinnamon.
- Remove the dough ball from the fridge, and place on a sheet of parchment paper. Roll out the dough and place it in your pie pan. Take a fork and poke holes in the sides and bottom of the crust.
- Pour the filling in the crust, and bake, uncovered, for 50 minutes until apples are gooey and browned.