My husband found Wild, Wild Country on Netflix several weeks ago, watched the first episode, and immediately said, you’re going to love this show. We need to watch it together. And so we did. Several weeks later, it’s still all I can think about.
I’ve written an entire bitch fest blog post about it, and I have deleted and rewritten that post over and over again. I don’t want this blog to be a gripe session. I want it to be as inspiring without being cheesy as possible. I don’t want to come off as preaching or being better than though, and I also don’t want to come off as ungrateful or overly negative. The yoga world has left me in so many great places, and also left me in so many low places, that I don’t always know which end is up and which is down, and so I put words on this blog that might upset or turn people away. That’s not my intention.
So I deleted a few of my Wild, Wild Country posts. And I’m trying again this evening to sort through some things. The documentary is excellent even if you’re not into yoga, but if you are into yoga, and especially if you’re a teacher or have read/studied the works of Osho, it is imperative that you watch the series.
I had never heard of Antelope, Oregon, or of a person named Rajneesh for that matter. In the first episode, a few people mentioned the name Osho, and I thought, I wonder why they’re talking about Osho. I love Osho. His books were featured prominently in my first yoga teacher training, and I latched onto his words like you would not believe. Osho is the art of yoga, in my opinion. His writings are one of the reasons I grabbed onto yoga and meditation so fiercely.
And while watching the documentary, I quickly realized: Rajneesh is Osho.
Holy shit. What?
No way. No way. No way.
The documentary series is excellent – the Duplass brothers are behind it, and if you don’t know the Duplass brothers’ movies, you need to as well, but that’s for a different post. It’s beyond incredible at allowing the viewer to not choose a side. It’s wonderful at showing the townspeople and showing the cult moving in, and fully seeing both views. The footage, and the interviews, and the music are excellent on their own.
I’m not going to get into the story line, as I don’t want to spoil it for anyone, but Osho and his cult did a lot of horrible things; beyond horrible things. And his excess of wealth – while allowing people to see him as some sort of guru or god, and his collection of cars and watches and diamonds and thrones, and his heavily armed cult-goers…I’m so beyond disgusted.
I’ll be honest, I’m so over the hippie yoga shit right now. I mean, so, so over it. I’m having a breakdown in the bitterest way and I don’t know what to do, or where to go, or where I fit in. This documentary made everything I am going through so much worse, and also, at the same time, made it all make sense; made the circle more complete.
There are a couple of things at play here, and one of them is this: we put our yoga leaders on a pedestal. We put people in general on a pedestal. But in yoga, we call them “gurus”. What the hell, right? They are just people. And people make mistakes. I get that. But you also have to own up to your mistakes, and that I did not see happening in the little Osho camp. And to this day, we have millions of people over the world following his words and his path, and really, who was he? He was just some dude. Whose path caused a lot of pain and sorrow. And yes, he had good words. He might have also had good intentions behind those words. He could have also been in it for the power and the fame and the money. I don’t know for sure, and I don’t know if any of us ever will. But in my opinion, as it stands today, I think more ignorance came out of his words than peace.
It’s hard for me to write those words. I can’t explain enough how much the art of yoga has affected my life. The science, too, but it was never the science that drew me to the practice. It was always, always the art: the readings, the wisdom, the space and the expansion and the awareness that I get while practicing, and most importantly, that I see in my students.
So I am left with a lot of questions. The one that I cannot stop thinking is, where do I fit in as a teacher? Where is my yoga home? I want a yoga home. I so miss my yoga home.
Also, why do we, as a species, look outside of ourselves for the answer? Why do we look for people like Osho or Jesus or the Buddha or Gandhi or Yogananda to be our light? What’s wrong with ourselves, why do we not sit still and listen within?
One of the problems with finding a “guru” or someone you look up to is often this: the deeper you dig, the more you want to back off. The more you want to run, actually. Most people are good, but all people have problems. We lie and steal and cheat and hurt and kill, as a species. We have good, and we have bad – the yin and the yang.
The wisdom teachings of yoga gloss over a lot, and I mean a lot, of who these people really were. And we’ll never know some of them, obviously. But thanks to a group of filmmakers we’ll know more about those yogi & meditation leaders who lived in this recent lifetime, and to me, that is priceless.
I know I’ll have more to say in the months to come, and I hope this blog opens up a discussion in my little yoga world. I hope you take the time to watch the series. I would love to know your take of it, to see how it is different or similar to mine. For now, I’ll be taking a little yoga wisdom break. I’m going to stop looking elsewhere for the answers, as so many of us like to do (Yoga Sutras, Bibles, etc) and go back to looking within. The art and the science lie within.
Peaches!! I went to Whole Foods the other day and grabbed as many as I could, and now I’m making peach salsa. I love this stuff, cannot get enough of it. It’s perfect for an afternoon gathering or light appetizer, and only takes a few ingredients.
With love, Jen.
Wild, Wild Peach Salsa
Ingredients
- 4 peaches, diced small
- 2 roma tomatoes, diced small
- 1/4 red onion, diced small
- 1/3 large red bell pepper, diced small
- 1/2 large lime, juiced
- 1-2 jalapenos, deseeded
Instructions
- Put all ingredients in a bowl, stir well, and enjoy immediately. Or put in the fridge for an hour to chill and then enjoy! Peach salsa will last about 2 days in the fridge.