14 months ago, I began my 300-hour yoga teacher training at a Baptiste hot yoga studio in Fort Worth. If you know me, and you know the Baptiste type of yoga, I bet you are thinking what I am thinking:
What the hell were you thinking?
I don’t know.
There’s a type of yoga that I lean into and that is what I refer to as Slow, Intuitive Yoga, preferably done in a cool room, and using as many props as I can physically get my hands on.
My first training in 2015 was from Urban Yoga and it was led by Surya Barrow and I will say: it is as slow and intuitive as it gets. It was incredible, blew my mind. We didn’t do much practice teaching or studying of anatomy but what we did do was think in terms of spirits and shapes and breath. We leaned in to all the things I truly love about yoga, and it filled me to my core, even though by the end, I didn’t necessarily feel ready to teach a class.
And I think anyone going through any teacher training would feel the same about readiness: it’s scary to get up and lead from your heart and teach something totally new that you have 100% made up from what you think is best for the bodies in front of you.
So this time around, for my deeper training, I picked the opposite, and it’s been eye-opening for many reasons. I’m still not into the Baptiste style of teaching, but that’s not because there’s anything wrong with the sequence; there isn’t. It’s just not for me. I have trainings in all sorts of types of yoga and I want all of those trainings guiding me, every single teacher who has walked these paths before me. There’s no right and there’s no wrong, that I fully believe. I listen to and I teach from all styles and all paths. So, you might think this Baptiste training is silly for someone like me, and, you’re wrong.
What it did do, what I absolutely did not expect, is it got me deeper into the personal growth that led me down these paths many years ago, and for that, I am truly grateful. I read every personal growth book that comes out on the market: I fill my life with content, aiming to always be my best self. What I don’t do much of is share with others about growth, in an open setting at least, kind of like a big old bucket of group therapy.
This training felt like a pool of group therapy, and sometimes I felt like I was drowning, other times I felt like I was floating, and sometimes I felt like I was standing in front of George Clooney wearing a bikini two sizes too small.
It was exactly what I needed.
Do you know what a blind spot is? You know when you’re driving and there’s a car next to you and you can’t see them because the external walls of your car are blocking you?
It’s the same thing for a personal blind spot. There’s some wall – something you have put up – that you are not able to see around. Some part of you that you have hidden or something that you are doing – and most likely have been doing – over and over and over again, that you don’t notice or choose not to notice.
You discover your personal blind spots by paying attention to the things that tick you off, and the patterns that appear in your life: the same argument you have, the same way you react to certain types of news, the same types of people that you don’t like or that you choose to not listen to. All of those things and all of those patterns help you get closer to discovering your blind spots. This is deep work, and it is highly uncomfortable.
My main blind spot stems from my comments about myself that “I’m a control freak”. You’ve heard me say those words on this blog and if you know me personally, you know fully well that I’m a control freak.
The underlying part of this – something that I’ve known since mid-way through this training that I simply don’t want to admit, what control freak really means is: Better than.
Yep.
Not in: I’m cooler or I’m smarter or I’m prettier or I’m stronger. But 100% in:
I will do this better than you.
Yep.
That’s it. That’s a control freak, fully.
That’s shitty. Big time, shitty.
One thing about me that you may not know if you don’t know me is that I love to find the hidden things about people. I love to say, well damn, you’re really strong in this area, why don’t you lean into it a little more? And you are so much bigger than the place you are allowing yourself to be in right now. Why don’t you try this way of looking at the world and see if it helps you to grow?
I love encouraging people to be their best self.
I love doing this with businesses, too. I absolutely love finding things that people do not see and helping them use these things to grow. That is why my business is successful and that is why I am good at helping other businesses be successful.
And, what does all this advice mean? It means that I enjoy helping people, which I clearly do, and I enjoy encouraging people to be their best, which I really do. It also means that I want to dig in and push them a little to reach for something they can’t yet see.
Yep. There we are again.
Control. Which the undertone is:
Better than.
Your life has this going for it and I don’t think it’s enough for you so I’m going to suggest you do this.
Your business could be this much more successful if you added this to your sales team.
Get it?
I do. I realized this more and more with each and every session I was in last year. I feel like I can do things better than those around me. I don’t just feel it, I believe it.
Truly, y’all. That’s a shitty way to be. And it was a huge blind spot for years.
How did I find it? I dug, way, way, deep. I started to look at all the patterns that have appeared in the relationships in my life: work, family, friends, acquaintances, enemies. A lot of time was spent looking at the enemies: so much comes out of what I “hate”. And I sat through something that I did not agree with over and over again. Get that, too? I didn’t agree with.
Might as well be the same thing as better than.
I am not sure if I would have found this to the extent that I had, had I not been in deep training all last year.
This Baptiste studio, it’s called Indigo Yoga, and it’s run by Brooke Hamblet and if you don’t know her at least go in and say hi and take a class. It’s a damn intimidating place for a non-hot-yogi, and at the same time, the people are so, so nice. Brooke is fantastic, and encouraging, and so kind. It’s an incredible bunch, and I cannot recommend her training enough for those interested in learning about leadership and discovering all the parts where you want to shine a little more or dive into the ways you hide or suppress and what you choose to ignore. It’s excellent for alllll of that.
For much of last year I was unsure of why I went through the training. I didn’t feel connected to the practice and didn’t know why in the world I would agree to do something like this: learn an established hot yoga sequence. I teach from my heart, I make up my own sequences every single class. I don’t need to learn a damn set sequence! I just wanted it to be over. I wanted that final piece of paper so I could shut this door and get back to teaching how I want to teach.
And then it finally clicked: I wasn’t supposed to learn from her how to teach a sequence, clearly. I was supposed to learn from her in order to lead more effectively, more lovingly, more openly, more aware. To lead in order to continue pushing through these walls that I have put up and in order to see my blind spots and my weaknesses and see all the areas that I have hidden away.
Yes, that’s it.
I grew a lot last year. It was uncomfortable, for me and those around me. Growth is hard to accept and it’s hard to be around. If you’re growing, the people around you have to be growing, too. You can’t have one without the other. If they’re not growing, you have some tough decisions to make. Thankfully, at this point in my life, I have found people willing to grow and dig in and work through the uncomfortable parts of life.
I hope you take some of these vulnerable words to heart, and if you’re interested in diving deeper, I hope you find loving people to dive deep with you on the path that fits you best.
And I hope you are kind to the blind spots that begin to appear in your life.
Love, Jen.
Baptiste Blind Spot Broccoli and Black Bean Tacos
Ingredients
- 1/2 white onion, diced
- 3 cloves garlic, minced
- 1 medium carrot, peeled and diced
- 1 medium head of broccoli, chopped
- 1 tsp. chili powder
- 1 tsp. cumin
- 1/2 tsp. salt
- 1/4 tsp. black pepper
- 1 14 oz. can black beans, rinsed and drained
Instructions
- In a large sklilet, cook the onion and garlic for 5 minutes. Add the carrot, broccoli, and spices, and cook for 10 more minutes. Then add the black beans and heat through. (See tip below if you're making sour cream from scratch.)
- Serve with fresh tortillas, vegan sour cream and my guacamole - links below.