The world cannot give me enough pesto, peach, and tomato sandwiches. And pesto, peach, and tomato pizzas. And pesto, peach, and tomato salads. The end of summer would make me rejoice aside from these gorgeous fruits becoming less and less prevalent in our local markets.
Summer flew by with a lot of time spent in New Mexico, and a small amount of time spent in Texas. It was lovely, and also a complete whirlwind. I know my normal state is one of doing-doing-doing instead of being-being-being, and I am starting to get realllll tired of my doing-doing-doing default. And also starting to kinda miss the idea of that person as well…. I don’t want to do as much, but think I should do as much. Which is a battle that I just can’t win.
It’s a strange place to be, in my 40s, coming out of 2 decades of doing nothing but pushing and attaining and acquiring. And now here I am, so far away from my 60s, but starting to really relate to that decade, too, of wanting to slow down, spend less, do less, want less, rest more. I full-on need a break from the hustle and yet am so incredibly far from “retirement” years, if that’s even really a thing any more.
Where does one go, smack dab in the middle of your 40s, with so much behind you and so, so much more ahead (let’s hope)? How do you balance this place in life, not really wanting to be a part of what’s going on around you and yet so far off from where you need to be, where you want to be? How do you manage being here in the middle, possibly half-way through a life, knowing life will last another 3-4 decades, and yet struggling with so much as it is now?
I have a lot of friends, family, and acquaintances who switched careers mid-life and I am so incredibly inspired by them, my dad being one of them. It’s invigorating to think that what you’re doing today doesn’t have to be what you do tomorrow, right? That is what led me to start my own business, and it’s the kind of question that fuels me even today. I love thinking about what could be. This is the fun (and scary) part of being a grown-up and making your own decisions in life. It’s also a big benefit to being someone without children: we can kinda do as we want, as long as our basic needs are met and we’re not hurting anyone along the way. That’s exciting and incredibly rewarding. It’s also a lot to deal with, as so many people in our world default to the whole kids program where someone tiny is always running your show, so a lot of people look at me with tuned-out eyes when I talk about this stuff.
Which is probably why I have this blog. So I can “chat” with blank pages where someone might or might not ever reply, or read, or agree, or disagree.
These are the things on my mind today as I’m slicing into tomatoes and peaches and wondering how much longer my local Central Market will be keeping them on the shelves. Pretty soon the spaghetti and acorn squashes will take over, and soup season will be upon us.
I wish you lots of wonderful end-of-summer meals and time to contemplate the time of life.
With love,
Jen